12. Proud

INTRODUCTION:
A lot of my songs I write from experience… Heartbreak, music, seeing the world, friendship, and especially love. A lot of my songs write themselves though, and have absolutely nothing to do with my life or current situation. As a writer and a musician, I pride myself on being able to add emotions I haven’t ever, or don’t regularly feel to a song. One of my favorite things about songwriting, is the ability to tell stories. Proud is about being willing to do anything to live up to someone’s expectations of you, no matter how unjust those expectations may be.

LYRICS:

Verse 1: Do you think I’m pretty? 
'Cause you never tell me if you do. 
You think I’m crazy, 
And it might be the truth. 
All the times I heard you cry, 
All those tears were sleepless nights, 
Do you see yourself in me, when you look in my eyes? 

CHORUS: Is that why it’s so hard to be right? 
Why I’ve been fighting for you for all of my life? 
And I don’t want to ask you, ‘cause I don’t want to know, 
But are you proud to call me yours? 

Verse 2: I may not be smart. 
I don’t always know what to do. 
This is so hard, 
Will I ever be as good as you? 
I wish I could just walk away. 
I never would, you make me stay. 
You’ve got a hold of me I can’t escape. 

CHORUS: Is that why it’s so hard to be right? 
Why I’ve been fighting for you for all of my life? 
And I don’t want to ask you, ‘cause I don’t want to know, 
But are you proud to call me your own? 

Bridge: All these nights I lie awake, 
I think of you and my heart breaks. 
One of these times I won’t overcome this pain. 
And if my heart stops beating, would you finally be free ‘cause 
I’ll let myself go, just to know, 
What do you have to do to make you proud of me? 
Is that all I have to do to make you love me? 

23 years, but I’m still lost. 
23 years, and I’m still not good enough. 

CHORUS: And that’s why it’s so hard to be right. 
Why I keep fighting to save my own life. 
And I don’t need to ask you, ‘cause I already know, 
But are you proud to call me yours? 
Why aren’t you proud to call me your own?


LYRIC ANALYSIS:

Do you think I’m pretty?  
'Cause you never tell me if you do.  
You think I’m crazy,  
And it might be the truth. - Or at least you make me feel like it's the truth...
All the times I heard you cry,  
All those tears were sleepless nights,  - Living with your damage damaged me.
Do you see yourself in me, when you look in my eyes?  - I originally wrote this song about a mother/daughter relationship, and that's where this line came from. I later realized it applies to a lot more people, but still liked this lyric.

Is that why it’s so hard to be right?  
Why I’ve been fighting for you for all of my life?  
And I don’t want to ask you, ‘cause I don’t want to know,  
But are you proud to call me yours?  

I may not be smart.  
I don’t always know what to do.  
This is so hard,  
Will I ever be as good as you?  - I am smart, I do know what to do, and I AM as good as you, if not better. Abusive relationships just make you feel like shit. You're not. And don't let anyone convince you you are.
I wish I could just walk away.  
I never would, you make me stay.  
You’ve got a hold of me I can’t escape.  

Is that why it’s so hard to be right?  
Why I’ve been fighting for you for all of my life?  
And I don’t want to ask you, ‘cause I don’t want to know,  
But are you proud to call me your own?  

All these nights I lie awake,  
I think of you and my heart breaks.  
One of these times I won’t overcome this pain.  - It will be the death of me.
And if my heart stops beating, would you finally be free ‘cause  
I’ll let myself go, just to know,  
What do you have to do to make you proud of me?  
Is that all I have to do to make you love me?  - Meaning, I will leave this world if it will earn your love.

23 years, but I’m still lost.  
23 years, and I’m still not good enough.  

And that’s why it’s so hard to be right.  
Why I keep fighting to save my own life.  
And I don’t need to ask you, ‘cause I already know,  
But are you proud to call me yours?  
Why aren’t you proud to call me your own?

This song is a harsh reality for a majority of people in this world. 1 out of 3 women experience abuse in their life. If you are in an abusive relationship, or if you're feeling depressed, there are things you can do. Call the Kristin Brooks Hope Center Hopeline​ at 1-800-784-2433. Life is beautiful, please don't miss it.

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